Feeling Frustrated

Image by Mr. Fotoshop via Flickr

I just feel like such a failure right now, and I’m frustrated at my inability to do what I need to do.  There is really no basis for the failure feelings, besides me not meeting my own standards.  There’s so much in my life that I have to fix, so many different aspects, and they are all tied into each other.  For every step forward I make in one area of my life, I seem to take two steps back in another.  This is a lot of the reason why 2010’s one little word is balance.  I feel like I’m walking through water all the time, no matter what I do…until I’m ready to scream.

I know there is a lesson in here somewhere, that its happening for a reason…but its driving me crazy.  Its always like the answer is just out of reach, in plain view but I can’t see it.  I do try to see each day as a new opportunity, but sometimes all the little maxims I live by get tossed out of the window.  Its not like I’m not trying to get out of this…I can see some ways clearly, and have been attempting them.  I’m not just sitting here doing nothing, I’m taking steps to achieve what I want.  The problem is it seems like the more I try, the deeper into it I get.  Kind of like quicksand, the more I struggle, the deeper I sink.  And I hate it, I’m tired and my strength is fading.  Giving up isn’t an option, but what on earth am I missing?  I’ve been in the same holding pattern for years, and I don’t know why…just that it continues to get worse with every passing year.

Any thoughts out there?  I want my drive back, and I want to feel like I accomplished something damn it.  I just want my life to be mine.